So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
