I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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