I got chris browned last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
