1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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