It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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