Nicole vs. Life
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Houston, we have a squirter
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
