It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
