I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
