u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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