I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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