You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
