dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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