i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
