I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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