Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hippo gnu deer
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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