Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your cock deserves a montage
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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