Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
