I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
