I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
