i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
