Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
