They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
