maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
