If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
