Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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