Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
