i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
