I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
