Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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