is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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