It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?