is your mom at the bar?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.