We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said