Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person