Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
