Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
