I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
