woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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