he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
