i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
