singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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