Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty