I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I did not marry a roomba.
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