I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
