She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You need a sexual gate keeper
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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