singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
