I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
