why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize