Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize