You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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