So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
