five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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