so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
