I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
