when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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