I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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