Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
