oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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