:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
