he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
