I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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