I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize