I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
