i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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