new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
