how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
