SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
