i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
