Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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