yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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