it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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