I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
